Our blog this week is going to be a little bit different. In honor of National Paranormal Day, I was kind of reflecting on what the paranormal world and what our Spooky Sisterhood in particular meant to me. We spend a lot of time talking about what got us into this space, and where our interests lie within it, but one thing that (in my opinion) we don’t talk about enough is what it means to us. What keeps us here? What do we get out of it?

I think the answer, at least partly, lies in the community that we build. I’m a neurodivergent, eldest daughter, ENFJ - I’ve had a lot of interests and hobbies through the years and have met some incredible people through each of them. But something that I find remarkable about the paranormal world as a whole is how quickly and easily a shared connection can blossom into something much bigger.

Having community around you in the good times, and especially in the hard times, is not only a source of strength and comfort, but it truly is a necessity - it’s how we get through it all. The problem is, the further removed we are from our school years, the more difficult it can be to find and build those connections. Even though having something in common (the paranormal, for example) can kick start things, I wanted to share some tips with you all I’ve been collecting that I think are useful to integrate into our normal habits and routines in order to be more intentional in building community.

1) MAKE THE FIRST MOVE - Look, we’re jumping right in here. This one is outside of most of our comfort zones. But someone has to do it, and the good news is the more you do it, the easier it becomes. It can be anything from swapping comments with someone you vibe with online to being a welcoming presence with a new coworker, or leaving a note on your new neighbor’s door. The real key here is showing others you’re open to connecting and that you’re a friendly face. Then you can let it go from there.

2) SAY YES - This was super trendy a few years ago (thanks Shonda Rimes) but there’s a magic to it. The more we say “yes” when people are brave enough to extend an invite or ask for help, the more we connect. Maybe you’ve been invited to lunch or a birthday party or even if a neighbor asks for a hand with their yardwork. Say yes. Then when you go, use that chance to get to know each other. And hey, we’ve all seen the memes about how excited we get when someone bails at the last minute because we’re not “up to it”. There’s going to be genuine times where something comes up, but this is another place to step outside of our comfort zone to intentionally build connections. Most of the time, we’re glad we went. But if you REALLY don’t want to go - maybe suggest doing a virtual get-together or a “chill in our pjs and eat nachos” kind of night instead of having to go out and put on real pants.

3) CHECK IN - As I mentioned above, I’m neurodivergent and I reallllllllly struggle with keeping up with people. It has nothing to do with how much I care about them or how much I’m thinking about them. I just have a hard time keeping things like that front-of-mind. A tip I got from my former therapist has been so helpful: keep a calendar (online or old-school paper) and schedule days and/or times to reach out to your friends. It might be a day you know they have a big meeting or they’ll be getting back from a vacation. It might be “just because”. I have a dear friend who lost her dad not long after I lost mine, and no matter how busy our lives our, we reach out on the anniversaries of fathers’ passing. It brings us both so much comfort.

4) SHOW UP - This one is kind of a big one. And honestly, some of the next few items could probably fall under this umbrella too. But for now, let’s be specific. If your friend has a play or an art show or a graduation or a sporting event, GO. Go to the event and cheer for them. Bring flowers if you can. Or pom poms. If their kid has an event and you feel comfortable - GO. If they’ve got a big appointment, maybe medical or legal or otherwise, and they want support - GO. Showing up is such a hugely impactful thing to do.

5) OFFER HELP - We all hate helping people move. We all hate moving in general. It sucks, I know, I get it. But a lot of times “many hands make light work” and there’s ways to make it more enjoyable. Plus think about the huge sigh of relief you feel when you need help and people actually show up to do it. And it doesn’t have to be moving! It could be babysitting, airport pickups, rideshare, yardwork…) AGAIN - showing up for our neighbors, friends, and family is HUGE.

6) SHARE - As the great Andre 3000 once said, “lend me some sugar, I am your neighbor.” If you’ve got something your neighbor (or friend or whoever) needs, and you CAN, consider lending it, sharing it, or swapping. this could look like letting a neighbor borrow your lawnmower, sending your friend one of your favorite books to read, lending a dress to your sister, or buying bulk snacks and sharing with colleagues.

7) GIVE BACK - If you see a need, and you’re able, fill it. Especially in times like these, it’s not only simple, it’s crucial. Donate what you can, and volunteer when you can. Building a strong community means strengthening the cracks and supporting places where the weight is too much.

8) BODY DOUBLE - As much as we all hate moving, we also hate doing chores and errands and paperwork. Schedule “dates” with your people and do those crappy things together. Whether it’s decluttering or going to the DMV or making appointments, it’s better with your bestie (and some snacks. Always snacks.)

9) HOST - This goes along with our first item, making the first move. Hosting, especially a regularly-scheduled date, is a great way to open the door to bring people together. It could be a weekly dinner, monthly game night, a quarterly skill-swap… the options are endless!

10) HOLD SPACE - Another kind of “cliche” phrase these days, but “holding space” for people, to listen, to be there to provide a meal or lend a hand with housework or errands, or even just to sit by their side as they move through their struggles. This is priceless.

11) LOCALLY - on an obvious level, there are TONS of community organizations, even in the smallest towns, that you could join to meet people. But also consider things like bringing cookies to a neighbor, helping with a community cleanup, doing ride share/carpooling, or taking walks together.

*Photo from: Wavebreakmedia Ltd, Dreamstime*

Lastly, something that seems so old-fashioned to many of us, but is so clutch, especially in an emergency-

12) BUILD A PHONE TREE - Connect with people and swap numbers. It’s the fastest way to spread the word.

As I wrap up, I want to share a few other thoughts about community.

I saw a post on Instagram from @the.poc.therapist a while back about knowing the difference in community and friendship. They worded it much better than me, so I’ll link it here, but it has a lot to do with responsibility and access. Give it a read.

We all want the benefits but nobody wants to do the work, and this takes everyone’s effort. If you’re not comfortable being the “starter” or the “leader”, that’s okay, but find other ways that you can intentionally build your community. You don’t always have to be in charge, it can float between members of the community- but it takes stepping out of our comfort zones on occasion, at least a little bit, and it takes intention to move everything forward and keep it strong. @joinbutteron Instagram said “[villages] feel effortless when you’re inside them but they’re absolutely never effortless at the start.”

Spooky Sisterhood was started with a goal in mind of lifting up those in the paranormal community who haven’t historically had that opportunity. That goal hasn’t changed, but this year the council and I all talked about what we want this group to be about, and one thing we kept coming back to was the key word that I think I’ve said 400 times in this post - COMMUNITY. We want to connect with each other, not just on social media but beyond.

Some ways that we’re doing that are putting more events on our calendar to give us the opportunity to spend time together virtually, assisting with hosting our first in-person event this summer, expanding our Patreon bonus content and Discord channel, and looking for chances to do more in our local areas as well. We want all of you to know that you’re an essential part of this “secret” society - and we’re always open to hearing ways that YOU want to see us show up for you.

What do you do to build community? What ways do YOU show up? What ways can WE show up? Give us a shout in the comments here or on socials. Send us a message. Connect with us on Patreon. We’re ready for you, anytime!

With much love to YOU, our community-

Keep it Spooky Sibs. <3

Building Community in the Paranormal

The Rainman of Pennsylvania